I was reading through the Cheer Up Dave Thread and decided to do an article, a "cheer up anybody who reads it" thing.

I've been assembling little nuggets, little encouraging facts about the world, but thought I would open it up to you for entries.

Entries will come in three categories.  THIS THREAD WILL CONSIST OF NOTHING BUT ENTRIES:

1.  Encouraging REAL news stories or facts.  "Researchers in Korea have developed a hangover cure that works in just 30 seconds.  It will hit the market next year."

2.  Jokes.  Traditional setup-punchline jokes.  Short, quick.  Either extremely good or extremely bad.

3.  Pictures.  Happy pictures. 

Now, there are 150 teenagers reading this right now thinking, "HA!  I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO, I"LL POST SOMETHING REALLY DARK AND DISTURBING, FOR THAT JUXTAPOSITION OF WHAT DAVE WANTED TO WHAT I DID WILL BE HILARIOUS AND WILL PROVE ME TO BE A FORUM REBEL!!!!!!"  Please refrain.  This is straightforward and positive.

And.... go.

Man rescued by stranger on subway tracks.

50 year old Wesley Autrey jumped down onto the tracks in front of an oncoming train to rescue a 20 year old man who had fallen onto them while having a seizure.

"Mr. Autrey lay on Mr. Hollopeter, his heart pounding, pressing him down in a space roughly a foot deep. The train’s brakes screeched, but it could not stop in time.

Five cars rolled overhead before the train stopped, the cars passing inches from his head, smudging his blue knit cap with grease. Mr. Autrey heard onlookers’ screams. “We’re O.K. down here,” he yelled, “but I’ve got two daughters up there. Let them know their father’s O.K.” He heard cries of wonder, and applause."

These are no-brainers:





Just for good measure, I'll give you this:



This is straightforward and positive.

I know some here have seen it, but I thought if cliche kitty is up there, then why not:

Pandog.

He's a puppy dyed to look like a panda, and he is the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Also, the world's cutest kitten picture:

A man goes to a doctor, he says "Doc, I got a big problem. It hurts when I poke myself here: *pokes his knee* here: *pokes his nose* and here:" *pokes his chest*

The Doctor considers the man for a moment. After a moment's careful consideration the doctor says
"I see the problem. Your finger is broken."

I don't want to do anything that requires external links, like videos or flash games.  The entire point is that these are bite-sized bits, that can be taken in in seconds. 

Well, you said they could be bad jokes, so prepare for what myself and my friends have decided is the worst joke ever created:

Rene Descartes, the French philosopher, walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Hey, Rene, you want a scotch?" Descartes replies, "No, I think not." And then he vanishes.

This picture always cheers me up:

Two penguins are standing on an iceflow.  One of them says to the other, "you know it almost looks like you're wearing a Tuxedo."

And he replies, "How do you know I'm not?"

At first I thought that was a bit dumb, but imagine Garrison Keillor saying that and it grows on you. 

Also: The NY Times has a piece on something similar.

wjliii3 wrote:
Well, you said they could be bad jokes, so prepare for what myself and my friends have decided is the worst joke ever created:

Rene Descartes, the French philosopher, walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Hey, Rene, you want a scotch?" Descartes replies, "No, I think not." And then he vanishes.

That took me entirely too long. And on the subject of esoteric jokes that are quite funny if you're enough of a nerd to get it:

Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the road and a cop pulls him over. The cop says "Sir, do you have any idea how fast your were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but i know exactly where i am."

What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild?

Hundred Dollar Bills.

The best part of wakin' up is the kitten in your cup!

Bad Joke: Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducked.

That is beautiful. I felt a warm glow from that, like a shot of whisky, but not.

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A.  A stick

Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff.

Childish, I know but it makes me smile.

A kiss for woman who saved a lion

Ms Torres earned the affection of Jupiter, a 110kg (242lb) African lion, by nursing him back to health after rescuing him from a circus. He is one of about 800 maltreated residents at her Villa Lorena animal shelter in a poor suburb of the city.

Ms Torres, a teacher who began nursing abused animals ten years ago, says that she takes in everything from limbless flamingos to blind monkeys.



(source: http://arbroath.blogspot.com/2007_01_07_arbroath_archive.html)

I would think that nerd jokes would work well here, as they are usually pretty funny if you get them, but really bad otherwise.

What does a Java Pirate say?
"Arrrrrgs[]"

Q. What happens when you throw a yellow shirt into the red sea during a blue moon?

A. It gets wet.